Življenje je nekaj tako lepega in popolnega, da si tega kot duša ujeta v ovoj mesa, ne morem niti predstavljati. Najlepše naravne lepote Zemlje in najnežnejši vzdihi ljubezni, niso senca Lepote v območju Življenja. Najbližje Mu pridem skozi čar molitve, ki mojega duha sežame v eni sami točki, ki ni Zemeljska, čeprav je v meni. Zaradi svoje odzemljenosti je tako nečloveški, da Mu zlahka pripišem lastnosti Božanstva. Njegova nad-osebna prisotnost me omami s čistostjo in intenzivnostjo, ki me kot po svetlobni popkovini vleče k Sebi. Kot prisotnost Marije in Jezusa, ki sta najsijajnejši podobi Bogov na Zemlji.
Če bi se ta Sijaj lahko prenašal iz enega na drugega kot dobrohoten virus ali kot raztrgana perjanica v vetru in z jasnostjo ožarel vsakogar, ki ga oplazi, potem bi Življenje veljalo za diktatorja in ne Dobrotnika, čeprav je Njegovo darilo On sam. S tem bi posegel v osebno svobodo in prestopil prag življenjsko dovoljenega. Preostane mu le opominjanje skozi bolezni, izgube, omejevanja, karantene, s katerimi nas poskuša zaustaviti v samo-uničevanju. Kadar tudi to ne zaleže, pa počasno zapuščanje tistega območja, kjer ni zaželen. Smrt se mi bo zgodila sama od sebe, Življenje bo prišlo le, če ga bom iz srca hotela. To moram izraziti skozi hrepenenje (namero), skozi besedo (molitev) in skozi dejanja (zaživeti skozi obnašanje).
Tega se rada spomnim prav zdaj, ko se globoka črnina zgrinja nadme, in ko mi po dolgotrajnih zamejitvah, delovnih, finančnih, družinskih stiskah in človeških stikih, pešajo moči. Utrujena sem, najbolj od pomanjkanja Kisika, sestradana od ljubezni, spoštovanja, svobode, življenjskih možnosti…., utrujena pa tudi po svoji volji od upiranja in pritoževanja, ki mi poje še preostanek življenjske sile. S slednjim hočem prenehati zdaj in za vselej! Hočem zaživeti zaupanje v nezmotljiv tok življenjskega dogajanja, sprejemam, kar mi odnaša in prinaša. Hočem biti že vendar gibka, sicer se bom zlomila in na nikogar ne bom mogla zvaliti krivde za mojo rigidnost.
Molitev je najbolj prezrto zdravilo na Zemlji. Ljudje v stiski se vsega poslužimo prej kot Nje. Obračam se na človeka in njegove rešitve, drago plačujem tega in onega strokovnjaka in se zvijam v še večji zapuščenosti in zmedi. Dokler končno ne sprevidim, da sem s svojo pozornostjo naravnana ravno za 180° v nasprotno smer. Takrat se rodi sveti pogum, ki ga prepoznam v popolni notranji zaustavitvi. Dovolim si obmirovati in zazreti v oči sebi in Njemu, ki vse to ve in me kot zlaganost doživlja ves ta čas. Vendar On ne sodi, zato ne sodim samo sebe za vso zablodo, za vso diktaturo, ki sem jo v imenu samoljubja zganjala nad sabo in drugimi. To nasilje sem podedovala, z njim sem se rodila in se po meni izživlja brez moje volje. Če hočem da se ne, potem moram tako hoteti. V tem prepoznam Božanski dotik.
Morda res pade moja krona, vendar je bila ta krona zlagani kič, ki jo rada snamem. Skupaj z njo je z ramen odpadla velika teža, ki mi ni pustila zaživeti naravne dostojanstvenosti, da sem človek-ženska! Najveličastnejše bitje Vesolja! Otrok Bogov! Utelešena Ljubezen in Lepota! Nič več nočem riti po stvareh Zemlje kot slepi črni krt. Hočem leteti in razprostreti zakrknjenega duha in se kot orlica pognati proti Soncu. Čutim, kako strahopetnost, nezaupanje in skrbi odpadajo z mene kot suho listje z dreves in znova odkrivajo prelepo duhovno telo krilatega bitja, ki se še spomni svoje pesmi:
Petero je zahtev pred ptico samotarko:
da v višave vrtoglave poletava,
da se ji po družbi drugih ptic ne toži,
da s kljunom meri v neba obloke,
da z barvami iskrečimi se ne šopiri in
da tiho svojo pesem poje.
Sijte in bodite sijajni, Marjeta Šumrada
Life needs me where I am # 3 – I revive the inner sanctuary
Life is something so beautiful and perfect that as a soul trapped in a wrapper of flesh, I can’t even imagine it. The most beautiful natural beauties of the Earth and the most tender sighs of love are not a shadow of Beauty in the realm of Life. I come closest to Him through the charm of prayer, which gathers my spirit in a single point that is not Earthly, even though it is within me. Because of His alienation, he is so inhuman, that I easily ascribe to Him the attributes of Deity. His super-personal presence stuns me with purity and intensity, which draws me to Himself like by a light umbilical cord. As the presence of Mary and Jesus, who are the brightest images of the Gods on Earth.
If this inner Shine could be transmitted from one to the other like a benevolent virus or like a torn plume in the wind and clarity could ignite anyone who touches it, then Life would be considered a dictator and not a Benefactor, though His gift is Life itself. By doing so, He would encroach on personal freedom and cross the threshold of what is permissible. All He has left is a to remind us through illness, loss, restraint, quarantine, and tries to stop us from self-destruction. When even that doesn’t work, He is slowly leaving the area where He isn’t desirable. Death will happen to me on its own, Life will only come if I want it from the heart. I need to express this through longing (intention), through word (prayer), and through actions (living through behavior).
I like to remember this right now, when the deep blackness is gathering over me, and when, after long-term restrictions, work, financial, family hardships and human contacts, my strength is running out. I am tired, most of all from the lack of Oxygen, starving for love, respect, freedom, life opportunities…, but also tired by my will from resisting and complaining, which eats up the rest of my life force. I want to stop the latter now and forever! I want to live the trust in the infallible flow of life, I accept what It takes away from me and brings to me. I want to be flexible, otherwise I will break apart and I will not be able to blame anyone for my rigidity.
Prayer is the most neglected medicine on Earth. People in need use everything before they choose Prayer. I turn to man and his solutions, I pay dearly for this and that expert, and I writhe in even greater abandonment and confusion. Until I finally realize that my attention is set exactly 180° in the opposite direction. That is when the holy courage is born, which I recognize in a complete inner stop. I allow myself to calm down and look into my and His eyes, who knows all this and has been experiencing me as an insincerity all this time. However, He does not judge, so I do not judge myself for all the delusion, for all the dictatorship that I have waged over myself and others in the name of self-righteousness. I inherited this violence, I was born with it and it is carried out through me without my will. If I don’t want to, then I have to wont so. In this I recognize the Divine touch.
Maybe my crown really falls off, but that crown was a fake kitsch that I like to take off. Along with it, a great weight fell off my shoulders, which did not allow me to live the natural dignity of being a human-woman! The most glorious being of the Universe! Child of the Gods! Incarnate Love and Beauty! I no longer want to dig into things of the Earth like a blind black mole. I want to fly and spread my stifled spirit and run towards the Sun like an eagle. I feel that cowardice, mistrust and worries fall from me like dry leaves from trees and the beautiful spiritual body of a winged creature is rediscovered, that still remembers its song:
Five demands stand before the solitary bird:
to fly dizzyingly to the heights,
not to long for the company of other birds,
to aim with the beak at the vault of heaven,
not to brag by colorful feathers and
to quietly sing its song.
Shine and be brilliant, Marjeta Šumrada
solahosta.com 
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