6 Drobtinice iz gozdnega odmika – Kaj hoče Življenje od mene? // What does Life want from me?

Sem lahko znotraj človeškega sveta, ki ga sestavljajo obveznosti, dolžnosti, pravila, zahteve in kazni, če ga ne ubogam… prav tako brezskrbno predana toku življenja kot v gozdu, ki od mene ne terja ničesar, le daje in daje in daje? Preden se podam v to, bi rada pogledala v to, kaj Življenje hoče od mene.

Vsak dan gozdnega odmika sem bolj vedela, kaj gozd hoče od mene. Namerno sem se zadrževala v trenutnem dogajanju in mislim ne dovolila begati po preteklosti in prihodnosti. Niti za trenutek me ni prevzel dolgčas, ampak sem vse bolj otipljivo doživljala samo sebe, kakršna sem bila… vse prej kot lahko prebavljivi uvidi. Kot milni mehurčki so se mi pred očmi pojavljale podobe mojega resničnega obraza, želja in odporov in enako hitro kot so nastali so se tudi razpočili, če jim nisem posvečala pozornosti.


Šele v tej osvobojenosti od neprestanega pogona sem lahko zasledovala samo sebe kot lovka na plen in do petega dne odmika vse utvare o sebi in svetu pospravila na hladno kot zajce v kletko. Gozd je tako skrivnosten kot je le kaj… ne skrit, temveč magičen. Za tistega, ki mu hoče prisluhniti, ima v sebi odgovore na vsa vprašanja in zdravilo za vsako tegobo. Je popoln učitelj, ne da bi izrekel eno samo besedo.

Kaj hoče gozd od mene? Nič noče! To je tisto, čisto ničesar noče od mene… hoče samo to, da bi se mi dajal v svojem obilju! Za koga so drevesa, vode, cvetje in petje ptic… če ne zame, ki edina od vseh prebivalcev zemlje, lahko občudujem in slavim to lepoto! Edina lahko zavestno prejemam njegove neskrite skrivnosti življenja. Še nobena veverica se, iz občudovanja, ni zaustavila v svojem gonskem življenju, ko so iz tal pridišale ciklame. Zato moram spustiti svoj svet, napolnjen s pravili, ki z življenjem nimajo nobene zveze, mu prisluhniti, biti prazna svojih zahtev, svojih pričakovanj do njega, se v celoti pozabiti kot družbeni človek… sicer ga ne opazim, ne slišim ali si ga razložim po svoje, kakor mi ustreza.


Zakaj gozd to hoče od mene, zakaj Življenje to hoče od mene? Zato, ker je Življenje obilje, ki se mora razdajati. Sem Njegova in rad bi me zasipaval s svojimi Darovi. Sem njegov otrok in boli ga, kadar odtavam in me ne doseže. Vsakega starša boli zablodelost otroka. Življenje me hoče čisto, oprano miselnih zablod, da bi se lahko spomnila Njegove božanskosti. Hoče, da pozabim na človeško tekmovalnost in se spomnim Njegovega sodelovanja. Hoče, da Ga spoznam in Mu zaupam, da bi zmogla spustiti svoj načrt življenja.

Zato je gozd in daljše zadrževanje v njem, najmočnejše zdravilo za vrnitev Domov… k miselni tišini, ki prisostvuje, k miru, ki me poveže z Njim, k osnovni radosti, da živim, k cenjenju tega daru in izkazovanju hvaležnosti s tem, da z Njim sodelujem.

Drobtinice iz gozdnega odmika // Flashes from the forest retreat:

5 Balvani na reki Življenja // Boulders on the river of Life

7 Življenjsko vodstvo // Life guidance


A flash from a forest retreat – What does Life want from me?


Can I be within a human world made up of obligations, duties, rules, demands, and punishments if I disobey it … just as carelessly committed to the flow of life as in a forest that demands nothing of me, just gives and gives and gives? Before I get into this, I’d like to take a look at what Life wants from me.

Every day of the forest retreat, I knew better what the forest wanted from me. I deliberately lingered in the current happenings and I didn’t let my thoughts run after the past and the future. Not for a moment did boredom overtake me, but I increasingly felt only myself as I was… anything but easily digestible insights. Images of my real face, desires, and resistances appeared before my eyes like soap bubbles, and just as quickly as they formed, they also burst if I didn’t pay attention to them.

It was only in this liberation from incessant drive that I was able to pursue myself as a hunter persue her prey, and by the fifth day of retreat all the illusions about myself and the world were stored in the cold like rabbits in a cage. The forest is as mysterious as anything… not hidden, but magical. For the one who wants to listen to it, holds answers to all the questions and brings the cure for every ailment. It is a perfect teacher without uttering a single word.

What does the forest want from me? It doesn’t want anything! That’s it, hit wants absolutely nothing from me… it just wants to give itself to me in it’s abundance! For whom are the trees, the waters, the flowers and the singing of the birds… if not for me, the only one of all the inhabitants of the earth, I can admire and celebrate this beauty! Only humans can consciously receive undisguised secrets of life. Yet no squirrel, out of admiration, stopped in its instinctive life when cyclamen smelled out from the ground. So I have to let go of my world, filled with rules that have nothing to do with life, listen to it, be empty of my demands, my expectations of it, completely forget myself as a social person… otherwise I don’t notice it, I don’t hear it or I explain it in my own way as I see fit.

Why does the forest want this from me, why does Life want this from me? Because Life is an abundance that must be distributed. I am His and He would like to shower me with His Gifts. I am his child and it hurts him when I thaw and he can’t reach me. Every parent is hurt by the delusion of a child. Life wants me clean, washed of mental delusions so that I can remember His divinity. He wants me to forget about human competition and remember His participation. He wants me to know Him and trust Him so that I can let go of my plan of life.

That is why the forest and the longer stay in it is the strongest medicine for returning Home… to the mental silence that is present, to the peace that connects me to Him, to the basic joy of living, to appreciating this gift and showing gratitude by working with Him.

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