Pesem gozda – Svobodna volja? (2) Song of the Forest – Free Will?

Na enem od gozdnih srečanj je sorodna duša postala glas gozda. Rada bi potovanje v skrivnostne, a nikakor skrite moči gozda, začenjala z njeno pesmijo, morda nas spomni, da nekje globoko pod srcem še utripa naravno, po svobodi hrepeneče bitje

1. kitica

Oj, ti človek, bodi kot drevo,

ki trdno zasidrano v zemljo,

steguje se v nebo.

Oj, ti človek, bodi kot drevo,

prijazno, dostojanstveno.

Dihaj, opazuj, viharjem ne kljubuj,

pač pa v ritmu z njimi pluj.

Oj, ti človek spoznaj, ne sekaj!

Ko ti bo zares hudo,

drevo ti najboljši prijatelj bo.

Hvala vam Drevesa in tebi Bojana

Gozd se mi je prvič predstavil, ko sem komaj vstopila v svet obraslih, a že potrebovala tolažbo za streznitve, ki mi jih je dal. Danes vidim svoje prvo doživetje gozda kot zrelostni potisk, ki me je ozrelel v zelo kratkem času s tem, da mi je dal notranje jasnosti, iz katere sem od takrat dalje podzavestno ločevala resnično od lažnega.

Darilo, ki mi ga je 14 dnevno gozdno tihotenje dalo, je neprecenljivo, trajno me je zaznamovalo z doživetjem svobode v njenem

najglobljem pomenu, nad katerim nima nihče vpliva, razen mene.

Nikakor drugače me Življenje ne bi moglo, na lep način, pripeljati do tega kot tako, da mi je vzelo vse, kar je predstavljalo moje življenje: družino, delo, partnerja, prijatelje, rutino in me postavilo v meni ‘nenaravno’ okolje, v divji snežniški gozd. Obstaja še druga, manj prijetna pot, na silo s trpljenjem, ki jo ljudje, zaradi neposlušnosti iskrenosti, najraje izbiramo.

Takrat, na tisti dan moje mladosti, me je Modrost ravno pravi trenutek potegnila iz brezčutnih pasti tega sveta, da sem še mogla prejeti darila gozda in žara dreves. Nič od tega takrat še nisem razumela, o čemer zdaj glasno govorim…, pravzaprav nisem razumela še čisto nič in bila ravno zaradi te nepoučenosti o zadevah sveta, dojemljiva za dušni instinkt, ki me je obvaroval tako, da mi je odvzel, kar sem imela in mi dobesedno tlakoval pot v snežniški gozd. Vse se je odvijalo brez mojega nameravanja in ukrepanja. Le preprosto sem rabila mir in čas, da si pridem na jasno, kaj hočem od življenja zdaj, ko so me moje dosedanje izbire pustile na cedilu in sem rada sprejela ravno tv tistem času prosto gozdno kočo, ki jo je 9 let uporabljala moja mama.

Posebnost, ki jo zlepa ne najdem pri ljudeh, je bila mogoče ta, da se nisem pritoževala nad krivicami, nisem se upirala dogajanju, nisem čutila potrebe po zadoščenju in ni me skrbelo, kako bom zdaj. Mogoče sem bila prenaivna, da bi lahko pomislila na skrbi, ki tarejo odrasle in zaradi katerih ne zaživijo svojega lastnega bivanja. To je tista čudovita notranja čistost, nedolžnost, ki v sebi nima nikakršne duhovne umazanije, ker je prečista. Bilo mi je 23 let.

Ko bi ljudje premogli vsaj toliko iskrenosti, da bi se ob stiski

zavlekli nekam v votlino kot ranjena žival in mirovali, dokler

jim notranja gotovost ne bi začela narekovati lastne korake..,

oh kolikšne modrosti, kolikšne modrosti bi se prebudile v njih!

Spoznali bi, kako ljubeča in zaščitna je narava, če se ji zaupajo kot dete, ki še ne pozna strahu, koliko milosti se izliva iz nje, če bi ji odprli srce in zaupali njenemu glasu, in da se v njenem naročju pozdravi vsaka bolečina, katere jedkost, se med visokim bivanjem dreves, razpusti kot sladka voda v oceanu.

Spoznali bi, kako modro je njihovo telo, da potrebuje le mir, da lahko opravi svoje čarovnije in vse postavi v svoj red, ki smo ga mi, v samo-pozabljenju in iz zatajene iskrenosti, razdejali. V bujnosti in čarobnosti narave bi videli najvišjega učitelja in spomnili bi se govorice živih. Ob naravi za učiteljico in ob Ljubezni za vladarico, bi ljudje postali presežek narave. To je naša veličastna usoda, ki željno pričakuje tiste, ki jo bodo hoteli.

Ko gledam razplet dogodkov za nazaj, je videti kot bi nekakšna dobrohotna Mogočnost vihtela taktirko in me kot uglašeno glasbilo vodila sem in tja, da ne zaidem globje na stranpoti.

Tako sem se, po približno treh urah vožnje, dokaj zbita pripeljala do snežniškega gozda, katerega prostranost in tišina mi je sporočala ‘vse je dobro’. Pripeljala sem se v razmočenost po dolgotrajnem aprilskem deževju, ki je šele tisti dan nekoliko pojenjal in je pokrajini in mojemu vzdušju podaril blesketajočo čarobnost, v kateri je bilo slutiti nekaj velikega. Nemudoma sem skočila globje v gozd, da bi si sprala zatohlo ozračje v glavi, ki mi ga je pustilo dogajanje zadnjih dni, pravzaprav let, morda celega življenja.

Še nikdar nisem imela priložnosti tako izpreči od zadev vsakdana, še včeraj sem imela vsa zagotovila udobnega življenja, danes pa tu, sred daljnega gozda, ostajam brez vsakega varovanja in človeške tolažbe. Kar načuditi se nisem mogla, kako hitro je izpuhtelo iz mene vsako premlevanje tega, kar se je včeraj zgodilo in kako bom zdaj, ko sem brez vsega.

Ker si z gozdom še nisem bila domača, in ker so mi dogodki zavozlali drobovje, da nisem čutila potrebe po hrani, se je kratek skok med drevesa razpotegnil v cel dan in tako v 14 dni.

Preden je zašlo pozno aprilsko sonce prvega gozdne dne,

sem že bila pod vplivom brezskrbnosti gozdnega vzdušja,

ki me je tako nenadno prevzel sredi bitij, med katerimi sem

lahko bila kakor ona, čisto bivajoča v naročju Življenja.

Ne bi verjela, da je tako veliko spremembo mogoče prebaviti v enem dnevu in z njo dokončno opraviti, da se ni niti kasneje več vzdignila v vnovično premlevanje, če tega tisti dan ne bi doživela. Bila sem očarana nad lahkotnostjo, ki se je začela naseljevati vame in največjo hvalo sem pripisala gozdu. Tudi prej sem bila v stiskah, razočaranjih, bila sem izdana in zgodila se mi je že krivica, a se me je togotnost držala mnogo dlje, če ne vse do tega trenutka, v okolju, v katerem se tresejo vse stvari in ne dovolijo pomiritve.

Tukaj, obdana z mogočno pokrajino, čez katero od Snežnika

pritekajo po snegu dišeči vetrovi, tukaj sem začutila,

da mi na tista vprašanja, ki imajo v globinah lastno življenje,

ne more odgovoriti noben človek…,

tudi najbolj vešči z besedami se morajo motiti,

kadar poskušajo izraziti najtišje.

A nihče ne ostane praznik rok, kadar poskuša biti podoben temu,

kar je tam oddihovalo moje oči, kjer preprosto in majhno,

s pogledom opranim nemira, hipoma postane veliko.

Tam, tistega prvega dne z gozdom, ko sem ob sončnem zahodu lovila zadnje žarke visoko na opazovalnici, in potem, ko me je potreba po tem, da bi me moralo skrbeti, že zapustila, sem prejela prvo veličastno darilo.

Pomiritev me je tako prikovala v sedanji trenutek, da mi je narava spregovorila. Prevzele so me barve pravkar izoblikovanih bukovih listnih popkov.

Sinice se niso menile zame in se čisto blizu usedale na veje

in prepevale svojo nezmotljivo melodijo.

Takrat, sredi globoke potopljenosti v bivanje, ki ga še nikdar pravzaprav nisem doživela, a je bil domač bolj ko vse, kar sem doživela do takrat, se je vzdignila jasna podoba, da nimam svobodne volje kot sem verjela, če hočem bivati kot biva vsa narava.

Bukev ne more reči, to pomlad nočem pognati listov, raje bi ostala gola do poletja in sinica ne more reči, raje bi bila kot pav, okrašena z barvitim perjem. Nobene izbire nimajo, da bi lahko delale po svoje, se premišljevale glede tega, kdo so, se zatajile v svoji naravnosti, zato so še vedno natanko to, kar so; naravne lepote, vdane redu Življenja in zavarovane z Njim.

Nobeno živo bitje nima izbire, vseeno pa je svobodno bolj

kot vsak človek, ki naj bi svobodo imel.

Uvid me je zadel kot vroč sunek vetra. S tistim trenutkom sem stopila na pot odkrivanja lastne naravnosti, ki se je začela z 11 dnevnim postenjem in osamitvijo v naročju snežniškega gozda, od katere je bil vsak dan taka zakladnica razkrivanj notranjega bogastva, da sem ga komaj prebavljala. Prepričana sem, da če bi jedla, bi ne zmogla dovolj moči za vsa prilivanja ali izlivanja, ki so vešče trebila iz mene zlaganosti, nepomembnosti in nekoristnosti od tistega jedra, ki ga ne more dotakniti ne moja ne tuja roka, in ki še odbleskuje neomadeževanost svojega svetlobnega vira.

Sijte in ostajajte sijajni, Marjeta Šumrada   Anchor     Spotiy



Song of the Forest – Free Will?

At one of the forest gatherings, a kindred spirit became the voice of the forest. I would like to start the journey into the mysterious, but by no means hidden, powers of the forest with her song, perhaps reminding us that somewhere deep below the heart still beats a natural being yearning for freedom.

1 stanza

Oh, you man, be like a tree,

which firmly anchored in the earth,

it stretches into the sky.

Oh, you man, be like a tree,

friendly, dignified.

Breathe, observe,

do not defy the storms,

just sail in rhythm with them.

Oh man, get to know Me, don’t cut it!

When you really feel bad,

a tree will be your best friend.

Thank you Trees and you Bojana

The forest first introduced itself to me when I had barely entered the world of the grown ups, but already needed the solace of the sobriety it gave me. Today, I see my first experience of the forest as a maturity push that matured me in a very short time by giving me an inner clarity from which I have since then subconsciously separated the real from the fake.

The gift that 14 days of forest quiet stay gave me is priceless,

it left a lasting mark on me with the experience of freedom in its

deepest meaning, over which no one has any influence but me.

There is no other way Life could have brought me to this, in a beautiful way, than by taking away everything that represented my life: family, work, partner, friends, routine and placing me in an ‘unnatural’ environment, in wild Snežnik forest. There is another, less pleasant path, forced by suffering, which we humans prefer to choose because of the disobedience of sincerity.

Then, on that day of my youth, Wisdom pulled me out of the callous traps of this world at just the right moment, so that I could still receive the gifts of the forest and the glow of the trees. I did not then understand any of this, of which I now speak loudly…, in fact I understood nothing at all, and precisely because of this ignorance of the affairs of the world, I was susceptible to the soul’s instinct which protected me by taking away from me what I had and literally paved the way for me in the snowy forest. Everything happened without my intention and action. I just simply needed peace and time to figure out what I want from life now that my previous choices have let me down and I gladly accepted the then vacant forest cabin that my mother used for 9 years.

A special feature that I don’t find in people, perhaps, was that I didn’t complain about injustices, I didn’t resist what was happening, I didn’t feel the need for vengance and I wasn’t worried about how I would be now. Maybe I was too naive to think about the worries that plague adults and keep them from living their own lives. It is that wonderful inner purity, the innocence that has no spiritual dirt in it, because it is pure. I was 23 years old.

If people could at least have so much sincerity

that they would help themselves in the face of adversity

dragged somewhere into a cave like a wounded animal and lay still

until their inner certainty would not begin to dictate their own steps..,

oh how much wisdom, how much wisdom would be awakened in them!

You would realize how loving and protective nature is, if you trust Her like a child who does not yet know fear, how much grace flows from Her, if you open your heart to Her and trust Her voice, and that every pain is healed in Her arms, whose causticity dissolves like fresh water in the ocean during the high residence of the trees.

You would realize how wise your body is, that it only needs peace, so that it can perform its magic and put everything in its order, which we, in self-forgetfulness and out of hidden sincerity, have destroyed. In the lushness and magic of nature, you would see the supreme teacher and remember the talk of the living. With nature as the teacher and Love as the ruler, people would become a surplus of nature. This is our glorious destiny, eagerly awaiting those who will.

When I look back at the unfolding of events, it seems as if some kind of benevolent Might was wielding a baton and guiding me this way and that like a tuned musical instrument, so that I would not go deeper astray.

So, after about three hours of driving, I reached the Snežnik forest, whose vastness and silence told me that ‘everything is good’. I arrived drenched after the long-lasting April rains, which had only subsided a little that day and gave the landscape and my mood a glittering magic in which something great could be sensed.

I immediately jumped deeper into the forest in order to wash away the stuffy atmosphere in my head, which the events of the last days, actually years, maybe my whole life had left in me. I have never had the opportunity to get away from everyday affairs like this. Yesterday I had all the assurances of a comfortable life, but today here, in the middle of a distant forest, I remain without any protection and human comfort. I couldn’t help but be amazed at how quickly every thought about what happened yesterday and how I will be now that I am without everything blew out of me.

Since I was not yet at home with the forest, and since the events had knotted my bowels so that I did not feel the need for food, the short jump between the trees stretched into a whole day and thus into 14 days.

Before the late April sun set on the first day of the forest,

I was already under the influence of the carefree atmosphere

of the forest, which so suddenly overwhelmed me

in the midst of creatures, among whom I could be like them,

completely dwelling in the bosom of Life.

I wouldn’t have believed that it was possible to digest such a big change in one day and deal with it definitively, so that it didn’t even rise up again later to grind again, if I hadn’t experienced it that day. I was enchanted by the lightness that began to settle in me and I gave the greatest praise to the forest.

Even before, I was in hardships, disappointments, I was betrayed and an injustice had already happened to me, but the rigidity stuck to me much longer, if not until this moment, in an environment in which all things are shaking and do not allow reassurance.

Here, surrounded by a mighty landscape, across which from Snežnik

the snow-scented winds flow, here I felt to those questions

that have a life of their own in the depths, no man can answer…,

even the most skilled with words must be wrong, when they try

to express the quietest. But no one remains a feast of hands

when he tries to be like this, which rested my eyes there,

where simple and small, with a look washed of restlessness, immediatletly becomes great.

There, on that first day in the forest, catching the last sun rays high on the hunters lookout, and after the need to worry had left me, I received my first glorious gift. Calming me down so much in the present moment that nature spoke to me. I was overwhelmed by the colors of the newly formed beech leaf buds. The titmice didn’t care about me and sat down on the branches quite close and sang their unmistakable melody.

At that time, in the midst of a deep immersion in a being, which I had never really experienced before, but which was more homely than anything I had experienced until then, a clear image arose that I do not have free will as I believed, if I want to live like nature.

The beech can’t say, I don’t want to put out leaves this spring, I’d rather stay bare until summer and the titmouse can’t say, I’d rather be like a peacock, decorated with colorful feathers. They have no choice but to do their own thing, to think about who they are, to hide from their naturalness, so they are still exactly who they are; natural beauties, devoted to the order of Life and nurtured by It.

No living thing has a choice, yet it is free more

like every man who should have freedom.

The insight hit me like a hot gust of wind. With that moment, I embarked on the path of discovering my own naturalness, which began with 11 days of fasting and seclusion in the arms of the Snešnik forest, from which every day was such a treasure trove of revelations of inner wealth that I could hardly digest it. I am convinced that if I had eaten, I would not have been able to have enough strength for all the inflows and outflows that skillfully cleaned from me the folds, insignificance and uselessness from that core, which neither mine nor another’s hand can touch, and which still shines with purity of its light source.

Shine and stay brilliant, Marjeta Šumrada

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